“We will be lost and found a thousand times along this cobbled road ahead of us. “Unknown
New Year’s Eve, 2009.
Like every year, Hannah had planned the best she could for the love of her life. Every year, they’d plan a beautiful night where they’ll meet to kiss the past year away. This ritual was almost 5 years old now and so was their relationship. Hannah, being the maneuverer type, would plan the whole evening till the midnight. From there, her better half would take the night further away.
Just like, what seems forever to her now, Hannah showed up to the designated hotel way before him. She had this habit of checking everything before the finale of the year commenced. He would arrive about half an hour later with a bouquet of orchids and her favourite chocolates or wine and she was so sure this time it would be something even better, something beyond her imagination.The time passed by and she kept waiting for him. Half an hour, one hour, two hour.. Now she was worried.
After the wait of two and a half hours, Hannah’s cellphone buzzed- “I can’t make it work anymore. I just can’t!! There’s no more to us. I’m sorry.” No explanation, no reason. What happened? What went wrong? Was her love not enough? Was she possessive? Was she indifferent? The bafflement of a gazillion questions surrounded every pore on her skin in that very second. Her eye meticulously gazing the phone screen but her mind analyzed nothing. It was almost like cyclone of torment that kept starting and ending in her own body. Her body stood still but her soul could’ve gone the lengths just to shriek herself back into the sweet old reality. Was it a dream? Oh, it must be her nightmare! Wasn’t it?
A bland body falls on knees seeing the last tinge of hope fading away. She kept calling him, one after another. Texts after texts-pleading, begging, threatening, reminiscing – doing everything in her domain to get him to stay. To all those heart-felt messages Hannah kept sending to him, the reply she received was incommodious silence. This. This was the exact moment when all the hopes finally departed and all she was left with was tears and this mind-numbingly hurting, broken heart.
The wails of despairing person are the hardest to watch. Her sobs could shake the very soul of the “stone-hearted”. With her world falling apart, Hannah barely noticed she was still in the hotel and the people around were being the spectators to her heartbreak. It was only when one of the waiter finally showed mercy on the broken to atleast pick her up that Hannah said out loud, “I need to get out!”
On her way out from the hotel, Hannah picked up the bottles of wine on her table. How she passed the libation down her throat! Poor thing, thought the wine would help. But all it helped in was flashing their entire journey together. As soon as she got out of the hotel, all she needed was a ciggratte. She kept stalling the streets till she could find a box of ciggrattes. While lighting the first one, all Hannah could think of was how he helped him quit the first time. How strong she had been about quitting, yet she was determined to make this slip tonight. Already high on nostalgia, she smoked in the first drag after so many yest. She coughed it out but she instantly took the next drag and then another and another and many more.
There, there came stillness after a whole lot frenzy. She puffed in the smoke like it’s hope gushing down her lungs. She repented why she quit smoking in the first place and that she’d never quit again. In that moment, her idea of a forever changed.
The next moment, Hannah was calling for a taxi. She wanted to go back home as soon as she could. She wanted to pack her stuff and just leave. She couldn’t bear to spend another minute in that god damned city of heartbreak. While she sat in the taxi, her hands automatically drew towards her purse. There were all the letters she wrote for him, his presents for the New Year. She read those letters out loud, her drunk voice kept trembling with pain. Yet, she didn’t stop. She laughed at herself for being a fool in love. She laughed so hard that she didn’t realize when her tears started pouring down the misery locked in her body. She decided to let those letter go..
She burned the letter with her lighter and then she left the declarations of her love fly out of the cab window. The driver kept watching the mess but he couldn’t dare to intervene. Pretty soon, Hannah’s stop came. She got out, gave the fare, tipped the driver generously – generosity brought about due to intoxication. She bid the driver farewell and as soon as she was going to leave, she heard the driver say, “Nobody stays this broken for long. It’s New Year, sweetheart! Don’t let your hope for like that.”
Hannah heard the voice, she nodded her head, wished him the best for the upcoming year and left. But now, rather than going back to her room, she decided to take a stroll. She passed by the shopkeepers in hurry to get back home, the obnoxious youth all drunk on the energy for a wild party, the dark ally guys who gave no damn about the day or date it was. She saw everyone with her dead eyes which then saw a couple embracing each other at the end of the street. They were so happy that Hannah’s eyes rolled a couple tears out. Nostalgia kept hitting her again and again. Only difference, this time it was taking away her strength one ounce at a time.